Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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