if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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