Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
