Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
