Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
