I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
