Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
