Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize