Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
