I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
