So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
