Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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