They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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