so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
