Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
