We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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