For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
