I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish i was in the wii world.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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