pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
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He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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