so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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