I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
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Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
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the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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