my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize