my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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