I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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