My pussy is not your playground.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
