please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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