Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
