So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
