why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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