Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
