Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
