This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
