Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
