the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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