Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
