Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
