i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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