You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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