i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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