when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
