There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
