this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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