its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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