the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
