I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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