I think i sorta joined a cult last night
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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