some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
