Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
