I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I deserve this hangover.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize