I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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