In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
