Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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