Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
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I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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