too bad you live with your parents still
Ketchup is God's man juice
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
