I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
