Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
