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• (941): View more from Florida

  my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  You're welcome.

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• (979): View more from Texas

  For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.

  (512): View more from Texas

  You. Win. At. Life.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?

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• (406): View more from Montana

  Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.

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• (315): View more from New York

  All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.

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• (819): View more from Quebec

  What the fuck were you guys talking about?

  (1-819): View more from Quebec

  Lube wrestling.

  (819): View more from Quebec

  Oh, makes sense.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  It’s the universal cock block of this decade

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19

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