so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
