I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
