my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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