There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
