dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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