i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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