She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
