Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Please, let me fuck your mom
never play flip cup with pint glasses
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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