i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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