Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize